2 weeks out. 

So Saturday I was 2 weeks out! From all the advice and coaching I’ve had, this appears to be the harder part! Strength wise I’m lacking severely, due to low carbs I’m literally training first thing in a morning, then going to work once I finish my day I’m going to bed as soon as I’ve finished prepping my kit for the next day. 

The admin side is more or less done. Hair, nails, teeth and the rest of the stage prep is booked. I meet with my coach on Saturday to go through the last check in then it’s peak week. I’m not so sure what that exactly means but I know it’s low carbs, water depleation and lots of rest. This may prove difficult as I still need to function correctly for work. Luckily my boss is backing me so he understands I may be a little disoriented. 

I’d say the most difficult part is posing practice for me, I’ve watched so many videos on you tube and other tutorials and they all look so fluid and natural. Whereas with me I’m too fast, not smiling or look like I’m about to start a fight! Well I’ve got 2 weeks to practise and try to perfect it, I really must sort it this part out. 

My bikini arrived Monday and its bloody perfect. I wanted it to match my tattoo on my arm and the lady who designed it couldn’t of done a better job. It’s so beautiful, I tried it on and was surprised how heavy it is! the detail is spot on and fits great. I’m no so sure about how low the bottoms go but that’s how they are supposed to be. Hmmmm a little too revealing of this stretch mark stomach of mine but hey those are my reminders of the 3 beautiful children I made. We can’t have everything in life so I need to be greatfull of what I do have. There are many women out there who can’t have kids and I bet if I asked them all they would do anything to have a baby, stretch marks and all. 

The confidence to stand on the stage comes in dribs and drabs sometimes I think yeah I can do this and other I get this sick feeling in my chest and start to panic. I could fall over, look like shit, do something wrong, look out of place anything but I need to suck it up as every guy and girl on that stage will be doing exactly the same as me. All the girls I have met upto now have been really supportive of each other which is so nice to see. I guess the gloves are off once we step out! 

I had a little think of what the hell im going to do after all this and the first is to eat a meal I want to eat! But I had a cheat meal recently and afterwards spent the rest of the night with my head down the toilet. It will have to be slowly getting used to bad foods again but not for long as there is another comp in May that I might enter, If all goes well with this one. It’s so surreal to think the amount of time and effort people go through just to stand on a stage for only a few minutes. All that hard work and they’re guys and girls doing it constantly. They must love the adrenaline rush and I’m guessing have over comes the nerves. Everyone is saying your first show will predict wether you will want to continue competing. I’m going to be brutally honest, I’m dying to play a game of rugby and get a lie in from all this fasted cardio. Even Sundays I’m up at sparrows fart just because I can’t bloody sit still! Maybe the anti climax and my body will shut down once i know it’s all over. I’m heading to Manchester the weekend after for a seminar and to look at renting a place if my uni place goes ahead. More flipping worry, less money but much better prospects if I get accepted on the course. Manchester though! I’ve never lived there before it’s the wrong side of the pennies for me, maybe I might get closer to Yorkshire one day lol 

All in all I’m pretty positive, slowly the confidence is growing the anxiety is surreal but that’s hightened anyways by my illness. Which after last week hasn’t been so bad. I still can’t work it out though. Frustrating but I let it go….. 

I also was given an amazing analogy on Saturday and it’s been buzzing around my head for days. 

If you’re driving a car and you keep looking in the rear view mirror eventually you will crash. Look forward only glance every now and again at your past, you’re not going that way! 

I loved it, it made me smile, I guess strangers can make more of an impact on you more than the people you have known for years. 

Thank you xxx

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